In about 12 weeks, I will be changed forever. I am changed forever now... but it will be real and big and in my face and I won't be able to escape it. I will be a mom. I technically am now, this little munchkin has been kicking me for 10 weeks straight - but its from the inside. I can still hop in my car and go to a movie when I want. I can go to the grocery store without fear of a kid crying and loosing it mid-shop.
Its surreal really - I often forget that I am pregnant and then I look down and see my bulging belly and think "Oh, yeah, that is happening" - but as of late, it has started to sink in. We are gathering clothes for the wee one - tiny, pink and purple, frilly and feminine clothes - and we have the "Stuff" that comes with babies now - A bassinet, a stroller, a car seat. We have all the cloth diapers we might ever need and we have blankets upon blankets. And yet... I feel unprepared for this adventure. It is so weird - now that it is starting to feel real, I am starting to feel like I am ill prepared for this, the biggest change I will ever endure. How does one prepare for such an adventure. What books do you read and what lists do you make?
When ever I am feeling overwhelmed, which is more and more lately, I go into the baby's space and look at the little clothes, read the little books, organize the little diapers. I look down at the little tiny items and imagine what our little girl is going to look like, what it's going to feel like having her look back at me with her shining eyes and gooey smile. And then I melt. I have never really felt motherly in my life, and I doubt that is how I will ever be described. But in those moments, when I am dreaming of the baby in my belly, I feel like the only mom in the world and she is the only daughter in the world. I wonder if it will be like that when she comes out?
We are getting very excited to meet this little one and we often look at each other and smile and talk about what she is going to be like. We've decided that she is going to be awesome and cool and beautiful and perfect. I am sure every parent thinks that and says it, but the feeling is genuine and we don't say it because that is what we think we should say... we really think she is going to be THAT wonderful! :)
Only 12 more weeks to go until life changes in the biggest way it can. We are having a little girl, and she is going to be wonderful and we are so excited to meet her. I want time to fly but I want it to take forever so I can soak in the pre-baby days just a little longer. :) Life is such an adventure - I can't wait for this journey!!! :)